The Beginner’s Guide to Forever21


 

To all my male readers (Dad and Will), you may not be as excited by this post as the rest of the universe (Roommate) , but I’m about to present you with the beginner’s guide to Forever21. I simply cannot tell you how many discussions I have about this store where someone says, “I love their stuff, but the store terrifies/overwhelms/confuses me. Well, say hello to your savior, ladies (and especially loyal male readers who just crave my mastery of the English language, sharp wit, and my astonishingly humble nature).

The Fear

When you walk into the store, your eyes will be greeted by the ungodly sight of utter and unabashed chaos. It’s like watching an episode of Lost—you’re completely excited, you want to solve all the mysteries, but there’s just SO MUCH going on. There is simply no rhyme or reason to the layout of Forever21, or if there is it’s a code that even the greatest minds of our world will have trouble cracking. Skirts are mixed with shirts, blouses mixed with tank-tops, and pants mixed with dresses. The one possible semblance of order that I can decipher is a slightly more fancy section, but even this is debatable.

So where do you even start when this monster of a store exists outside the realm of logic? How do you ensure you don’t miss the rack that contains the skirt that’s going to help you seduce Chase Benedict the Fourth (was that name high class and studly enough? I tried)? Or the shirt that’s going to make that bitch Genevieve Von Shmorgusborg (okay I didn’t even try that time) wish that she’d never laid eyes on your superior fashion?

Combing Through the Chaos

Pick a corner. Any corner. You give this one corner as much concentration as you would give a shirtless Channing Tatum. And you comb through so very very carefully. You do not haphazardly jump from rack to rack, you inspect every piece of clothing in order, then you slowly make your way to the next section. Lather, rinse, repeat. This is an art. Slide all the clothes to the end of the rack and look at everything. You just never know when you’re going to find your gem, seriously. I’m not joking when I say inspect all articles of clothing, Forever21 clothes have a tendency to look like poop on a poop covered poop stick on the rack. However, when you try on these clothes, sometimes they look gorgeous and heavenly, like the songs of angels!

Don’t let it phase you. Take deep breaths. Know that inside of you exists a true Super Shopper. Concentration is key, blocking out all the excess information outside of the area you are giving your full attention.

Then you must try. Everything. On. Try anything your little heart desires no matter how good or bad your expectations are. You will be surprised. Keep grabbing things until your arms are so full you can’t possibly carry any more, then make your way to the dressing rooms and patiently mark where you left off in your quest. As you already know, the store is very confusing, and you don’t want to end up looking through the same stuff again, or worse, missing the section of the store that contains your soul mate of a top.

Round 2 – Whatever Round it Takes

Then you go back. If you’ve marked your spot like I suggested, you are ready to go. This is your version of The Fighter. You are Mark Wahlberg, you are Micky Ward, this is your arena. Your crack addicted sister is Dicky Eklund, your smothering mother is Alice Ward. If they start to get in your way, you tell them, “This is about me! Not you, not you and not you!”


I know, it’s going to get really hard if you find a lot of things you like and then have to lug them around. Leave the good stuff up front. Then start anew. At the end you’ll collect the best of the best and make your final choices. You may or may not construct pie charts, graphs, ask the audience, or phone a friend.

When you go to Forever21, you better be ready to shop ’till you drop. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s for those of us with true commitment. It’s for those of us who don’t believe in a good thing unless we had to work for it. It’s for the Super Shopper in all of us.

Shopping Online

The problem with shopping online for some of us is that Forever21 can be so hit or miss that we can’t take that leap of faith. However, some people like Roommate are just magical. This woman shops online for Forever21 constantly. 9/10 that is what she is doing on the interwebs. We receive deliveries from them at an alarming rate. And somehow the clothes always look awesome on her. I don’t know. She’s magical. I’m trying to get her to write a post detailing her secrets, because I simply don’t know.

So stay tuned for part 2??? ROOMMATE???


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