The 5 Things I Would Need for a Perfect Valentines Day


Anyone who knows me knows that I make jokester mcgees left and right. I frustrate people to no end with my sarcasm, exaggerations, and general dickery. But this is something I would never lie to you about, friends. This is my dream Valentines Day. And yes. There will be baskets full of kittens and chocolate fountains and Ferris wheels. Read on for a serious post of complete seriousness with not a joke in sight! I promise!

1) No man has ever been smart enough to crack my code, but some have gotten close! One knew that cigars > flowers in my life. It was a moment that moved me so very very deeply. It was like he was gazing through a window into my soul. So yes, I would need a cigar. Or two. Ever since I cut back on them, life hasn’t been the same. Epic Valentines Day=a fucking great cigar.

2) I have been on a quest to find the perfect burrito ever since I had a perfect burrito in Seattle. I’m chasin’ a feeling, I know. I don’t care. If I could tackle this dream with someone else, then Valentines Day would be complete.

3) I really need a fourth controller for my wii. This is an inside joke I have with myself since once an ex bought me a wii controller for my birthday. Not only would this gift be practical, but it would also provide me with laughs and joy.

4) I. Love. Cheese. Gouda=Gooda.

5) “Hey. I hear you like watching Skins? You tryna watch some Skins?” Yes. Yes I am.

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